Sex, Drugs and Mental Health in the Lifestyle

Our guest, Eric Zink, AKA Mr. Impulsive,  is not only an accomplished social media influencer, but they have also experienced firsthand the intense pressures and challenges of being at the top of the social media game. They have witnessed the rise and impact of cancel culture, and today, they're here to share their story and shed light on the darker side of fame.
 
 But that's not all! We'll also touch on an essential social media topic that often gets overlooked – mental health. Together, we'll explore how the constant need for validation, the pressure to maintain a perfect online persona, and dealing with online criticism can affect one's mental well-being.
 
 And if that's not enough, brace yourselves because we're taking a bold step further. Strap in as we open up a discussion about the swinging lifestyle and social media's role in this alternative realm of relationships. We'll challenge the norms, break down stigmas, and examine social media's impact on personal connections inside and outside the swinging community.
 
 Prepare for an eye-opening conversation with insights, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking discussions! We're going beyond the surface, addressing the issues that truly matter.

Follow Eric:
Twitter: @ebzink
Instagram: theprofessorpineapple1.0
Snapchat: ebzink
Website: https://www.ericbzink.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@EricBZink

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Transcript

 You are listening to the Evolve Your Intimacy podcast with Dr. Stephanie, where it is my goal to educate, enlighten, and evolve your intimacy. You can find me at evolveyourintimacy. com to learn more about counseling, self study courses, sex, and the retreats that we have to offer. This show contains discussions about relationships, intimacy, and sex, and is meant for those who are 18 years and older.

Now, sit back, relax, listen up, and get ready to evolve your intimacy. Hey, this is Dr. Stephanie, and thank you for joining me on this edition of Evolve Your Intimacy podcast. Our guest today is not only an accomplished social media influencer, but they have also experienced firsthand the intense pressures and challenges that comes along with being at the top of the social media game.

They have witnessed the rise and impact. of Cancel Culture, and then today, they're going to share their story and shed some light on the darker side of fame. But that's not all, because we're going to be touching upon a very important topic that often goes overlooked in the world of social media, and that's mental health.

Together, we'll explore the constant need for validation, the pressure to maintain a perfect online persona, and dealing with online criticism, and how it affects your mental health. Strap in as we open up a discussion about the swinging lifestyle and the role social media plays in this alternative realm of relationships.

We're going to challenge the norms, we're going to break down some stigmas, and we're going to examine the impact of social media on personal connections, both inside and outside of the swinging community. But first, a word from our sponsors. Are you interested in learning more about the topics that we discuss on the show?

Head over to ASM Lifestyle Magazine where you can read all the articles that I publish about relationships, intimacy, and sex. When it comes to the lifestyle and the adult industry magazines, Look no further than a S N Lifestyle magazine. They are the natural go-to for everything, lifestyle and adult content.

Get your free digital issue today@asnlifestylemagazine.com. And if you have any questions, don't ever hesitate to ask. Stephanie, you are listening to the Evolve Your Intimacy podcast. And I'm Dr. Stephanie. Now let's get back to the show. Welcome to the Evolve Your Intimacy podcast. Thank you for taking some time.

to sit down with me and talk about a very serious subject. We are usually talking about the fun stuff of the lifestyle, the, the fun nitty gritty, the what do we do? How do we get better? All of that fun stuff. But today we're taking a little bit of a different angle and we are talking about mental health addiction.

And ethical non monogamy all in the same podcast, the same hour, so I know it's going to be a lot, but before we get started, tell us who you are, what's going on in your life, and why are you the person that we should be talking to when it comes to mental health addiction and ethical non 

monogamy? Uh, because I actually touch on both, uh, I have two different content creation channels out there.

One is based on mental health and addiction, which I'm more of a testimony. Um, I've had multiple accounts with that millions of followers wouldn't say I'm an expert at it, but I'm very open and honest with what I've been through because that's what. That's what helps. I think it's just the honest testimony and the realness of it.

The unedited parts of it where it's not a sob story per se. It's just like, Hey, this is the reality of what you go through. Um, and do a lot with YouTube, do a lot with other content creators and other companies when it comes to that. But then also, uh, throughout my journey of life and everything I've gotten to experience my wife and I.

Uh, have gotten into the ethically non monogamous, uh, community. We do content creation there, podcasts. She owns Unicorn Landing, uh, which is an app on iOS and Google play. So kind of, kind of in all three of those categories and it's very extreme differences. 

I love that you're so honest about it. One of the things that I know about.

Personally, I mean, everybody knows about me. If I'm open and honest, I'm an open book. You can ask me anything and everything. And I tell all of my clients that there's nothing I won't tell you about me because it's all out there anyway. It's on podcast. It's just out there, but most people are not as open as you and I tend to be.

And we got to meet when we were at the ASN awards and we kind of connected on that because we are just. What you see is what you get. And there's no fluff to us. Well, I shouldn't say that there's some fluff, but there's no fluff to us. And, um, no. 

That's where I think we really connected at. And I really had so much respect for you as a therapist and as a doctor and as somebody who helps with mental health, because.

I mean, so much even through my struggles of mental health was finding a therapist or finding somebody who was a professional at this that could help me and give me tools with it. But that was also real and I didn't feel like I had to pretend and I could actually be myself with, you know what I mean? I have so 

many clients that say that.

So, and, and that's why I went into, The realm of, or specializing in alternative relationships because my clients were coming to me saying, we can't find a counselor that we can be honest and open with about what we do because we don't want to be judged. But that's not our problem. And, you know, our problem is this, but everybody wants to pigeonhole us.

And so, yeah, that's absolutely. Well, let's just jump right in. So talk to me about, well, I'm going to back up just a touch you and I connected on a different level as well, because my father had just passed away when I met you guys in, um, in Vegas. And it was just, I wasn't quite myself. I haven't been quite myself since that happened.

And you have a similar. Story, situation, difference, okay, you've lost your father, different situation, but you've lost your father, and then we kind of got into how your mental health contributed and what all went through with that. So do you mind sharing that with us, like your story of what got you into this and what took you down your mental health journey?

Yeah. So what got me into this? I mean, I just, I always just kind of start from the beginning. I mean, I grew up in a real successful family. My dad was a very successful doctor. Um, you know, pretty much the ideal family that you could ever grow up in. Um, well educated, all that good stuff. At 13, I was diagnosed ADD.

At 17, I was re diagnosed with ADHD. Uh, I've been on Ritalin since I was 13, which actually was a lifesaver to me. I'm very pro medication. Because I look at them as tools, um, and there's so much stigma around this stuff, but I mean, literally it, in a lot of ways, saves my life. Um, and as I just kind of went through life, I didn't realize, um, right around, I would say 14, 15 is when I started drinking.

Didn't realize how addiction runs in our family. Um, later on in life, I mean, I, I ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, GAD, and MDD were my official diagnoses. Uh, in 2020, I got diagnosed with level one autism. Um, and then in 2015, I was married at the time we were actually separated. We were both raging addicts.

Um, that was one of our bonds was the ability to drink a lot of alcohol, do a lot of cocaine. We separated 'cause I knew it would kill one of us. Um, unfortunately my wife at the time, um, she ended up committing suicide, uh, what was it, August 27th, uh, 2015. And my dad was a huge support system with me through it.

He was kind of like my rock through it. He was very like the voice of reason through it all. Uh, and then in 2017, August 13th, he committed suicide. And then in August, In August of 2018, I attempted suicide. Um, and I got ended up getting sober 7, 25, 17. So literally a year after I got sober, I attempted suicide three, roughly three weeks after I got sober, my dad committed suicide and I kind of needed something to do.

I needed, I needed to find a passion because my passion was drinking and drugs. Um, and I needed to find something kind of healthy. And so I started, I was like, I want to do something. I was always successful at work, but I needed something outside of work. Uh, cause I never really had any of that. And so I kind of just started sharing about mental health.

I kind of, I started more on the addiction side and it just kind of. Kind of grew from there and you know, I've had a lot of ups and downs with it. Um, went through a cancel culture with it. Um, thought I was the Jesus Christ of mental health, uh, was antitherapist in so many ways, thought I was better than a therapist with no degree, which is toxic as fuck.

Um, and literally went through all of that and then kind of had the realization that like, Hey, no one's better than anybody else. And sharing our testimony isn't bragging. It's just helping others through our story. And there's nothing wrong with that. And so that's now the approach that I go. 

Tell me a little bit more about this hero complex that you developed.

Um, I think it deals with social media in general. I did a lot of research on it. I have a lot of friends who are like big YouTubers and all of this. And I, and everybody I've talked to, we've all went through it almost. Some worse than others is you almost go through this like, um, God complex where you're just this individual.

Now, all of a sudden you, you create this social media platform. You get a couple of followers and it literally at a certain point starts to go to your head. You're being told constantly how wonderful you are. And Oh my God, you're helping me. And you look at these people and you're like, Oh, I'm helping. Or, uh, you know, these people like me.

And all it does is it, it goes from something innocent of like, Hey, I want to help others too. Well, I'm the best at this. I should be writing books about this. Nobody knows about this as well as I do. And it really hits a different side of you. And I think majority of social media creators go through this in one, one extent and another.

Uh, where you really have this, this massive complex that you think you are more than what you are and it is toxic as hell. And a lot of times I think it leads to a lot of people's demise, ruined relationships, ruined, ruined everything. 

Yeah. So you had two significant... People in your life, complete suicide.

And I look at you and I'm like, how do you keep 

going? 

Um, I've, I've had to, I've dealt with it a lot. I mean, it was hard. I will say this is where the, actually the ethically non monogamous helped me deal with something I wasn't used to, but it's weird because. I, I grew up with a lot of abandonment in a sense, like my dad was a doctor.

So what mattered more to my dad than everything else was being a doctor, not being a dad, but being a doctor. Um, and so at a very young age, I think I struggled a lot with just kind of abandonment. Even with my parents, they worked a ton. Like, don't get me wrong. I had a phenomenal life in that aspect, but as having parents in my, at my life, yeah, my mom was there.

My dad really wasn't. Um, And it just kind of got more and more, excuse me, more and more in life of, you know, people are just going to leave. People aren't really there for you. They're you're there just for when you're there. Um, and it just all kind of compounded on itself where You know, I would self sabotage a lot of my relationships.

I would self sabotage my marriages. Not realizing that this is what I was doing, because I was in therapy at 13, but I learned from a dad who obviously knew how to lie in therapy. I learned how to lie in therapy, not be honest in therapy, and I, I just would self sabotage and ruin all my relationships. I mean, I look back and I was married four times.

I mean, and, and it wasn't always these other people's fault. Now, of course I played the victim and all that, but losing my wife was one thing that was, she was my best friend. I adored her. Um, like I really thought that she was my soulmate. Um, but we were just so toxic and so many ways for each other. Very enabling.

And so I didn't really realize that like, you know, being, being toxically codependent with somebody doesn't make them necessarily your soulmate. Um, and so when she ended up passing, I didn't know how to address it really at all. Um, and so, uh, that's where my addiction really, really fired off. Um, I went from kind of just drinking every day, not a ton, but I was drinking every day.

Um, to massively drinking every day to massively doing a ton of cocaine a day, um, to really medicate through all that totally, uh, grenade, my life hit rock bottom, uh, decide to get sober. And then my dad commits suicide and the beginning of my sobriety. I think I struggled with it a decent amount for a while.

because more of it was out of spite to him was like, you know, I'm, I'm going to stay sober motherfucker just to prove you wrong type deal. Um, which isn't healthy. It helped me stay sober, but didn't help me address a lot of the underlying reasons of my addiction. Uh, and so. I just kind of learned to deal with it in my own ways and it's been, it's been a progress.

I mean, I, I would say I've still, I still deal with it all some, I still, the abandonment stuff is there. It's every day kind of working on it, acknowledging that it's there, not trying to hide it anymore. Um, being more open and communicative with, you know, your feelings. And so I think it's, it's one of those process when you lose somebody that you're very close to or somebody that's very big in your family.

I don't know if you necessarily ever per se get over it, but it's almost like object permanence that you only remember kind of a good time. So that makes it a little difficult. You don't remember the bad times. And then it just kind of progresses. I mean, time does heal. You know what I mean? Time does heal at some, I feel.

So it's, it's been a progress. 

Yeah. It's been, it's been a process to get to that progress. Absolutely. You, you hit on abandonment issues and, There are so many people who have abandonment issues that don't even know what those are, or how they got them, or what, why they are doing what they're doing because of those abandonment issues.

So, can you tell me, like, a little bit about your abandonment issues, and maybe why you, those manifested the way 

they did? Um, I think I was just used to everybody leaving. Um, and it, I got with a therapist, I will say this, this is where I, I really changed everything with therapy. I got with a therapist, and, My whole point with this therapist didn't know her it was a referral here I actually ended up referring she gets a book schedule now essentially from me because anybody I meet now in this area I refer them right to her if they are asking for a therapist But I went in with one goal and that was to be honest And just be honest and be blunt because that was one of my biggest problems.

I was never honest. And so I went into therapy completely honest. And I realized that, you know, a lot of it started at just a young age. My dad was never there. So I was just used to people kind of coming and going in my life, you know, almost as they seem fit. So a self defensive thing was to kind of seek validation, look at me, look at me, um, to help kind of overcome that.

And kind of this deep seated lie that you start to protect that everyone's going to leave you. So in order to gain control over situations, be the one that leaves, be the one that ruins it because this is your fucked up way of your brain thinking and you thinking you're in control of the situation.

Like, see, I told you they would leave. It protects that lie. It builds that lie up inside even stronger, reinforces it. And you have this weird sense of control over everything. That's really not control. It's just mess, chaos, and you're hurting a ton of people. 

Do you feel like you are manifesting all of that, all of the chaos in your life?

Oh yeah, oh yeah. No, I did it. I did it all. It was all 100 percent self sabotage. At the time, you don't realize it's self sabotage and it's more that victim mentality because it's so easy to be just the victim of it. Oh, they left me and oh, they hurt me and oh, they did this to me. Uh, instead of looking in the mirror and going...

Yeah, here's what I really did and here's how it affected things. And this is how it snowballed to negatively, you know? Um, and yeah, it's, it was a, it's a process to, to work for. And then, I mean, later on my birthday is August 17. And so my dad committed suicide literally for four days. Oh, thanks. My dad, yeah, no, my, my, my dad committed suicide four days before my birthday.

So I celebrate my birthday at my dad's literally at my dad's funeral. Um, and then, you know, before that though, my wife committed suicide on August 27th, which is right after my, so, you know, to the closest people I love. Kill themselves around and you don't really think, Oh, it's a birthday. Whatever. No, there's all these different things that really do screw up your brain, you know, that you, you take and digest differently.

Absolutely. I know that the victim mentality. So, I mean, just a little bit about my, I come from, I have abandonment issues, I come from a background of abuse, from sexual abuse to mental abuse to physical abuse, emotional abuse, just abuse, abuse, abuse, and that abandonment issue did play out into my victim mentality as well.

And it was like, well, everybody's just going to leave me, so it doesn't matter. Um, I'm just going to go ahead and leave first. People don't recognize that, and thankfully, I don't even know how I found mine. I think because I became a counselor, that was the only reason why I figured that shit out, but... It's not something that people are taught in real life.

We're not taught how to be self sufficient humans. We're not taught how to emotionally regulate. We are taught to be angry. We are taught to be sad and especially for a man. And so I want to talk about how men in society, you know, if you're, if you're hurt, get mad about it, go out on that football field, take it out on them or, you know, get angry, go kick their ass.

Don't, don't ever talk about it. Just fight. We fight in so many ways, so much daily, and men aren't taught how to emotionally regulate. Women aren't either, but especially men, because they're always taught in society, well, just get angry about it, get pissed off about it. And those messages manifest into so many different negative avenues in our life.

And hearing you say that, you know, your abandonment issues played into this, which played into that, which led to this. Really helps others see that or even maybe connect their situation in their past with what has manifested is the word I'm using today in their lives and help them realize that they did play a part in it and that victim mentality is not going to serve 

them well.

No, I think the only way you can work through it, at least for me, the only way I could work through is I had to remove the victim mentality and literally take the blame for everything and accept the blame and look in my, you know, look in the mirror. And find my self worth and my self love because that was one of the biggest things I was missing was self worth and self love and then You know, just even how to create, you know, self worth and self love.

You know, I, I put things on pedestals to use that to define me, such as like my social media platforms. Oh, I got millions of followers. That's my self worth. That's not a healthy self worth. Self worth has to be you look in the mirror and you like who you see. Um, you know, you close your eyes at night and you go, Man, I was a good human being today.

You know, that's self worth and that's self love. Um, where we, we almost need like trophies and objects to, to define our self worth. And, and I don't know where we're necessarily taught that, but it's like everyone needs a trophy to say, see, this is my self worth, where it's like, no, because at the end of the day, none of that shit matters.

That trophy mentality, well, that's a whole other episode. We can go into that, but yes, you know, self worth. And, okay, and when we are on drugs and alcohol, our self worth... Is I mean, it's it's it's fake. I mean, it's what it's it's boasted up boosted not boasted boosted Who the hell knows what I'm trying to say boosted up by that drug the work is fueled by drugs and alcohol And so we have that false sense of security that false sense of oh, I can do anything that hero mentality And then we fall flat on our face.

And then when, when we fall, what's left? 

Right. Cause it's like alcohol and drugs and stuff. I mean, it's the math, it's the best medication in the world. That's also the worst medication in the world because you forget about it is, I mean, I looked at a lot of my addiction was a lot of self medicating. Um, and then the worst part is, is as an addict, if you don't start to really, work on yourself and I think also go to therapy while you're getting sober.

Um, you now don't have a drug per se to self medicate with. So you start finding other ways to essentially self medicate. To remove it and all it does is almost prolong falling on your face And like you said the worst part is is falling on your face is different from fucking everybody It does 

and and and you can't so I love how you have millions of followers and people They follow you and they hear your story But what I want everybody listening to understand is their journey is different than yours.

Just because you did it one way doesn't mean that's gonna be their way. And so many people get caught up in the mentality of, well, you know, I didn't do it that way and so I'm a failure. Not at all. It looks so many different ways, but it just has to happen. You have to do it. If you're going to do and be sober or live the productive life you want to live, you just have to make the decision and do it.

Now, is it easy? Hell no. Transcribed It's not easy at all. It was easy. Everybody would do it. Right. And my question for you, Eric, is you said that, you know, you had this God complex. You had all of these followers. And then you realized that you weren't God. And you started going to therapy and you started humanizing yourself a little bit.

Did you lose followers? Did you lose followers? Did you lose credibility or how did that work for you? We are having such a great conversation with our guests today, but we have to take a really quick commercial break But during this commercial break, it would be a great time for you to like subscribe Or follow us on all of our social media accounts By doing this, you get exclusive insider access to specials on merchandise and sexy equipment.

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You weren't God and you started going to therapy and you started humanizing yourself a little bit. Did you lose followers? Did you lose? Did you lose credibility or how did that work for you? 

So how it kind of works? So I had a really large tiktok account It was like 1. 9 million followers and it was really a toxic account Like I went through a cancel culture.

Everyone thinks cancel culture you like lose followers Well, no, I went through my cancel culture at 1. 5 million followers And still grew to 1. 9, you know And so that build onto the God Complex, that built into these deep seated things in me that were just bad. You know, I went through, I thought I was able to withstand like even a cancel culture, I was able to withstand all this great stuff.

I was just phenomenal and I ended up grenading that account on purpose because it ended up becoming really toxic. Um, because I started, I started getting all these people who started being like, well you saved my life, you saved my life. And it was like, I didn't save anybody's life. Like I hadn't, no, nobody, nobody saves anyone's life.

Like a testimony isn't a how to a testimony to me is kind of like panning for gold. You listen to a testimony and you hope to pick out one or two gold nuggets that in some way or some aspect, you can add it into your life to bring more of that enlightenment and more of that healing through because there is no right and wrong way.

I mean, that's where I struggle a lot with like AA and NA. Um, I do push a lot of people to those programs cause I think it's a great place to start for sobriety. But then the problem with NA and like NA, for example, like the challenge that I really run into personally. Is, you know, I've been to Skid Row, um, I've been to some of these drug infested places, and I would rather see somebody on Suboxone than on heroin or on, you know, oxycodone or, or hydrocodone or Percocets.

But if you go to na, they're telling you how you're not sober because you're on Suboxone. And that's not my, that's not my belief. And I think we lose track. And I always, and I lost track that there's, there was 17 point, there's 7.7 billion people on the planet. Which means there's 7. 7 billion different religions.

There's 7. 7 billion different views on every single subject out there because our interpretations are all different. And so I think that's the problem that we get into run into sometimes like I ran into is I thought my way was the right way and the only way, and it's not. And I think that sets up so many people for failure.

If you think that I have to follow what this person does right to the T. Otherwise, I'm not going to get sober. Otherwise, I'm not going to be able to overcome my depression. Otherwise, I'm not going to be able to stop self harming if I don't do exactly what this person does. And then you do exactly what they do and it doesn't per se help you.

And now you feel that there's something even more wrong with you and you're more isolated and you shut down even more because this guy said it was going to fix me and it didn't fix me. 

When you say that you went through cancel culture, tell me a little bit about that. 

Um, it started off as a great idea, I thought.

Actually, it was probably the worst idea I ever came up with. Um, because I wanted to know some way that I could kind of like help people and I knew one of the things like with AA and NA that was so important was just somebody that you could share with. So Memorial Day of 2018, I came up with this wonderful idea.

I was, I started on Twitter because I didn't want anyone, I didn't know anyone on Twitter when I started all this. So I was like, I can be more me on Twitter than I can anywhere else. Cause I don't want people on Facebook or any of that to see me. Um, and so I started, you know, putting out little videos, you know, telling people that they matter and that they can do it.

Just, just almost my own words of affirmation. Cause I think people forget the power of affirmations. And, um, and I started giving out my phone number. Cause my mentality was at the time I'm, I was 37, 38 years old. And, uh, 37 at that time. Uh, and. I was like, man, you know, somebody my age, if I was struggling, you know, just to have another like adult I could talk to that's not a friend or a family member would probably help me.

So I started doing that and it turned into something I never expected it to, um, especially with like Tik Tok and especially when COVID ended up hitting, um, I did that for two and a half years. I gave out my phone, my cell phone number every single day. And at first it was, it was cool. Like every now and then I'd get like a text message from like a recovering heroin addict or somebody, you know, 10 days in sobriety.

We would just kind of chat and bullshit for a little bit and just get, I knew the power of just having somebody to talk to. Well then it turned into hundreds of people a day and then turned to the thousands upon thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people a day. And that's really fed my ego cause I'm watching my views go into the millions.

My phone blowing up with all these people asking for help. And I create a mental health discord and I create a mental health nonprofit and all with the pretense of like, Hey, I want to be able to help people like afford medication if they can't afford medication, stuff like that. Um, but it got to the point that you also don't realize who reaches out to you.

I mean, at 30, I didn't expect like. Kids or teens to reach out to me, but all of a sudden they are well at the time. It wasn't a big deal to me. I created, I I'm, I've never had any kids. It's not kids and I don't jive very well. I don't feel like connect with them the best. Um, and I had a couple of different admins.

We ended up creating a team discord and they'd have to ask him, beg me to go in and, and. How, you know, just say something nice to the teens and stuff like that. So I would, um, but it got to the point that I made people pay me to talk to me. Um, because again, I wanted a way to monetize this. It was taking up a lot of my time, no way to fund all that stuff.

Uh, and one of my old patron members had posted a thing saying that she was suicidal. And unfortunately, as an adult, we talk like adults and I don't, I'm not used to talking to kids. And I talked to a kid like I did an adult and people ended up freaking out and I'm like, whatever. And it was, it was a bad time in my life.

Cause I'm like, dude, I would never do any of this shit if I realized that this is what it was going to come to. Um, and it was actually a healing, you know, process for me. Of, of realizing exactly what cancel culture is, realizing how misconstrued things can be, and you're just like, all right, um, it is what it is, you know, and, and, and even with that, it just, I think it affects you on a different level where it does.

You know, I think with everybody when it comes to their God complex, it's just a matter of time until they go into a cancel culture over something that somebody doesn't see right. And wants to get on their soapbox now and say how what you're doing is wrong. Um, and so it was, it was brutal. Um, it didn't really, it didn't affect my personal life a ton, thankfully.

Um, but it affected me mentally though, because let's face it. If you are unhealthy with social media, that becomes your identity and now you're getting screwed with your self worth and your identity because you don't know who the fuck you are. So it makes it, it makes it very difficult. And I mean, at that time, I mean, anybody who ever, I mean, it got to the point I went to the police station, I showed all sorts, everything I could.

I literally gave them my laptop and my phone and I sat there for hours and they thought I was insane. The cops literally 5150 me. Because they're like I like what you're showing us none of this like I don't understand what you're looking for I'm like people are calling me a groomer and they're calling me a pedophile They're calling me like the worst things you could ever call a fucking human being and I'm like and they're like, okay Well, no we're in here.

Are you asking for anything? No, we're in here. Do you even know that like who this person? They're like, no, like, are, are you, are you maybe fucked up in the head for trying to like help people? Yeah, you know, but that was about it. And that was really the first realization it came to of like why it's so important and why I even feel for a lot of therapists out there of what, what it truly means to be a therapist and what you go through, because if somebody doesn't like you for some reason, man, they can try and make your life live in hell.

And that's really screwed up for somebody who's trying to help people. 

Oh, boy. I, I resonate with that remark more than you could ever imagine. 

Oh, no, I, I, I, trust me, I believe it now because I'm like, man, if I went through this without a degree or any of this, I don't like, man, the people who are truly helping people one on one, God, like, yeah.

I'm sorry, like, I mean, I like, I want to like hug every therapist out there and be like, dude, you go through some real shit. 

Unfortunately, we do, and I, I have a disclaimer that I say to every client when I first meet them the very first day is I am not for everybody. I am a reality based therapist. I tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

I cuss, um, and I'm not for everybody and that's okay. And so, you know, I don't intentionally try to offend you. I don't intentionally try to hurt you. But sometimes that happens because reality sucks and I needed reality therapy in order to start healing and to start changing and growing. And so. That's just, I can't change who I am, and I know, there hasn't been many, I will say, I am so fortunate that there hasn't been many, but there's been a few who have not appreciated what I do or my style, and that's okay, um, you know, unfortunately, it happens, but I think that's where we have to be honest with ourselves and honest about who we are and know, and that's why therapists have to go through so much training to know about who we are as a person, as an individual, our biases, and Our background, our prejudices, whatever we feel like we may have ingrained in us.

We have to bring that to the surface and explore and process that because if we don't, it does come out in therapy with clients in the worst kinds of ways sometimes. And so that's, you know, when I hear you say that you were working with all these people and you don't, you didn't have a degree and you didn't have, you know, the, I don't, the background, I mean, you had the intention, your heart was in the right place, but you didn't really have the background.

And I can understand where that can be, wow, overwhelming and come across as something that's you never 

intended. Yeah, no, and you don't really realize when it comes to, like, I don't think anybody realizes when it comes to mental health. Like, this is why I like addicts. I like addicts a lot more than I do anyone when it comes to just straight, like, mental health.

Because addicts, we're just really fucked up, and we're just looking for answers, and hope, and testimony, and Man, if that person can do it, and that person can do it, and they did it different ways, maybe I have a living chance, you know what I mean? That's the thing I really like about addicts is we have these such fucked up Testimonies and stories of some of the shit that we've done Where when it comes to mental health, I mean some of the sickest people out there are Truly I feel with mental health because they are not even to the point of realizing, you know how much of a victim they're playing or You know what?

They're the people they're hurting just to try and get attention or whatever it might be and it's just like holy shit Um, it's a very different ball game, mental health wise to addiction wise. And that's why I even now try, I mean, I'll talk to people about it, but I do not respond to a single person when it comes to anything mental health at all.

Um, addiction is a different story cause that, that I find fun, that I find a passionate cause especially we as sober addicts, I mean, a lot of us can laugh about some of these screwed up stories and I found a renewed passion. Even in social media sharing more about the addiction and stuff than I did, you know, here's how you know I realized the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack and all of this because it's like okay It's my testimony, but then people are like People are just, they need to go to therapy.

I agree. And everybody's like, I have people ask me, they're like, do you have a therapist? Yes, I do. I have two. I have a professional and a personal one. My professional one, when I get stuck on cases that I just, you know, I don't, sometimes I get stuck on cases. I will go to them and I'm like, okay, let's, let's, let's work this out.

Help me, help me navigate this. And then I have my personal one, which everybody knows I'm bat shit crazy. That's why I'm a therapist. So, you know, I struggle with addiction or you name it. I'm, I'm the alphabet, ADHD, GAD, you name it. I am there. And I use my story to help others because why in the hell did I go through all of this?

If I couldn't help, if I, you know, that's my, my thinking, like, why did I get put through all of this shit and go through all of this shit from a very young age? If, you know, I'm not supposed to help others, if I can't use my story to help others, because that's the only way I can make, make sense of some of the shit that I've been through, and I don't try to hide it, my life has been, it's been a fucked up situation, it's so bad that even one of my very best friends that I, I met years ago, When I was telling her just a little bit about my life, she thought I was a pathological liar until she started seeing it in action and she was like, wow, like no one, this doesn't happen to normal people.

I'm like, I know, I don't know why it happens to me, but shit happens. And you know, it just, there are some really good people out there with really fucked up pasts. But you have to heal and you have to go through therapy in order to heal and I feel like, you know That's one of the main things that people miss.

That's the step They're missing is they don't go through therapy to heal. They just try to wing it. Oh, I can do it by myself Well, how's that working out for you? 

Oh, but then they lie and say, well, I'm still standing. Look at me still standing and I've made it this far. So obviously it's where, yeah, sure it has, you know, 

no, you can be still standing, but are you thriving?

Are you successful? Is it sustainable? 

No, not. Yeah, no. And that's, that's the worst part of it is it's not sustainable. I mean, mine was never sustainable. I mean, mine, Mine had a pattern to it and my pattern wasn't a quick pattern. It was about an every four year pattern Um, which is really fucked up because like that's literally like the lengths that my marriages and stuff would last was every four years And by the fourth year I would have self self sabotaged enough That I would walk away and feel comfortable walking away because it wasn't my fault.

Look at all the time and energy I put into this, but yet I'm the one that's self sabotaging the whole thing. Um, and it wasn't all a hundred percent me, but I would do take blame in every single thing where You see so many people who do not take the blame in anything and take any ownership of anything.

I mean, regardless, if you, no matter what happens in life, we have some ownership of that because at least we were there in the physical presence or the mental presence. Um, and people don't realize that. And people don't realize, I think the power of kindness and want to. You know, we're never heard before, never, never had their voices heard.

So now they have to be heard this time. And I'm going to share what my beliefs are. That's great, but also be kind when you share your beliefs, you don't have to put other people down. You don't have to hurt people. You don't have to attack people. We can all stick to our own lane, but that's the hardest thing ever to do.

Cause everybody has to have a, everyone has to have a villain in their life. 

Oh my gosh, yes. And some people don't realize that they're their own villain. Like you are the villain of your 

story. I hate to say it. There is literally no villain in the story except you and there's no hero in the story, but you and it's whatever one wins.

Let's just remind everyone that this is Evolve Your Intimacy and I am Dr. Stephanie from Evolve Your Intimacy. We are having an amazing discussion, but we need to take a quick break. We'll So stay right there and we'll be right back. Attention all you love birds. Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level at Evolve Your intimacy?

We believe that relationships and intimacy require intentional actions each day. And attending our coaching sessions does not mean your relationship is headed for divorce. It's quite the opposite. Our experienced coaches are here to guide you on your journey of growth and connection. Whether you're exploring ethical non monogamy or simply seeking to deepen your bond, our experts can help you custom design your own relationship oasis.

Don't wait another moment. Schedule your free consultation today by visiting evolveyourintimacy. com. You are listening to the evolve your intimacy podcast, and I'm Dr. Stephanie. Now let's get back to the show. So I want us to shift gears just a little bit because bringing in the ethical non monogamy side, I know that ethical non monogamy, when you go to these parties and when you go to events, there are there there's alcohol, sometimes there's substances that are being used by other people.

How do you manage that and make it? And still have a good time, but still keep your sobriety. 

Um, so I've always treated my sobriety. And it was again, like when I share about my sobriety and stuff, I'm only going to share from my standpoint. I always try to preference that because then everyone's like, Oh, well, I'm now this just is what works for me.

Um, when I, when I was, when I was single, I had to learn. Cause I learned it literally when I was single, I started dating. I had to learn to tell people, hey, I'm sober, I don't drink. So what can I do when I'm dating people? Because let's face it, when you're dating and you're single, you're usually meeting at a bar or a restaurant.

And it's no one's, sobriety was no one's responsibility but me. And I realized really up front that I had to be blunt about that because then people were like, oh, you're sober so I can't drink around you. No, no, no, no, no, that's not, I'm sober because of how I need to be sober and I need to know what sparks and triggers me.

with alcohol or any of that. Um, and so I just, I really became a big fan of iced tea, Red Bull. Um, and now when we go to these events, I really, I don't, I don't stress it at all. It doesn't worry me at all because One, I like to be in full control of myself. Um, I've learned a lot more about myself, so it's a lot easier.

Um, I have to have a security cup or a security drink, though, in my hand. Um, I don't have to tell everybody that I'm sober. I can decline drinks left and right. Um, because I don't want to also then that victim role and it makes me uncomfortable too when people are like, Oh, you're sober. That's awesome. Huh?

You know, and then now I have to talk to you about my sobriety and I'm not here for that. Uh, so I'll get like soda water and lime or I'll get soda water and Red Bull mixed, uh, or I'll get tonic and lime. And that's literally my drink. No one knows that it's not a mixed drink. And I have my security cup in my hand and I don't mind because I just kind of watch people get more and more shit faced and it.

Reminds me of why I don't because even with these people like yeah, they get shit face They get shit face kind of slow Maybe you're kind of fast and I just it reminds me of so much of what would happen when I started to drink because my drinking just It wasn't like I'd wake up the next morning and be like, damn, I have a hangover.

No, I'd wake up the next morning, shaking, running to the fridge or the freezer to find if I had any vodka left or any, what I had left that I could start taking shots of to stop my shaking. If not, I'm, I'm jumping in my truck at literally like 6 a. m. in the morning, driving to a liquor store, buying, you know, shooters and just taking shots in the Red Bull to.

get myself calmed down. Um, and I remember all that stuff. So it, it, it kills any desire for that. The only one I can say I haven't experienced yet, and if I do experience it, It'll be an interesting experience. I also, I already, I already have like literally mentally pre set my head even of essentially what it is and even talk to my wife about it.

Is the one drug I cannot be around is cocaine. Uh, cocaine was my massive drug of choice. So if I ever saw anyone doing cocaine, um, I know that I have the ability to just look at my, my wife and be like, we need to leave now. She's not gonna ask any questions. We're grabbing our shit and we're gone. I cannot be around it.

Um, that is the, the drug that scares me the most. And I don't judge people for what they do. I mean, you're going to do whatever you're going to do. You're going to ruin your life, however you want to ruin your life, or you're going to add to your life, however you want to add to your life, do whatever. Like, I don't care.

It's just, it's not me. Um, and I still learn to have a good time. And the best part is, is when you're sober and you realize that everyone around you is drunk. You can be whoever you want to be still all of a sudden, but have full control because ain't no one gonna remember it. Ain't no one remembering or even thinking that you're drunk.

And you literally can go out and dance and have no rhythm and nobody gives a shit. You can talk to whoever you want to and nobody comprehends that you're sober talking to them. You know what I mean? Uh, and the best part is you remember every experience the next morning. You remember everything that happened and sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad.

Um, but you, you, you do remember everything. And that's one of the greatest things I think there is. 

I have not thought of it from that point of view. And you're right. I mean, that just, when you just said that there was a click in my head that, Oh, Wow. He's right. And I had not thought of it from that point of view.

So thank you. Now, let me ask how you're, you're currently married. Um, and how is this relationship different from your past relationships and, and, and how did the ethical non monogamy get involved? 

So this relationship is different because for one, my wife did something that nobody else ever did. And she stood up to me.

No one ever stood up to me. My wife throat checked me the hardest that anyone ever throat checked me and Made me face my trauma and I will no matter whatever happens. We'll love her endlessly for that But when we met so we met I moved up to Idaho. I was a general manager. I had a job offer up here So I took a general manager job.

I was also a West Coast rep for RV manufacturer So I had just a lot of work on my plate Um, but I was new to Idaho. I took this because I kind of wanted to reset my life. I just went through my cancel culture, um, got up here and I didn't know anybody. And one of the things was, I was like, okay, I'm kind of bored.

Um, it's Idaho. It's winter time. I mean, I moved up here and it starts snowing. I got to find out what I'm going to do up here. And so I started just setting myself goals and what do I want to do and create? How do I want to create my life? So I'd gotten a course on all the dating apps. And I ended up meeting my wife through Bumble.

Um, and she was just cool and she was easy to talk to. Um, and so we just kind of became friends. We kind of became best friends, friends with benefits. Um, she was going through divorce. I was going through divorce. Uh, we kind of went our own separate ways. Um, and like April of that year, the 2021. Ended up getting together in September, decided we wanted to date.

But during this whole time, I knew that she was bi curious, essentially, like she had done things with girls, but like in college, I mean, we've all, I mean, I've had a lot of threesomes and shit like that. Some of them good ones where I was maybe not super drunk and messed up, but then I had some, especially when you're an active addict with cocaine.

Um, you have a lot of threesomes. You have a lot of really screwed up, um, experiences. So, I knew that she was vicarious. She, you know, experienced stuff in college. But she was really wanting to explore that side. I wanted her to. But then the problem we ran into was we want to be together. So how do we, how do we have this relationship together?

But I wanted her to still experience that cause like the one thing I had learned is you don't want to have regrets in life or hold regrets cause then it starts to build into animosity. It starts to build into bad things like you're holding me back in life and I didn't want to do that with whoever I was going to spend, you know, the next chapter of my life with.

So I wanted her to experience that and I, and I urged her to, and so, you know, we talked a lot about it, but we wanted to date. And it kind of led us eventually to the ethically non monogamous swinger side of the lifestyle. Cause we didn't want to date other people, but we wanted to experience, but we wanted to experience this stuff together.

And how do you experience this stuff together? So of course we did like everybody else did you jump on social media and you find out. All about the swinger lifestyle. Um, and so that's kind of what led us into this lifestyle here. Um, the lifestyle, I mean, if before I was educated about this, I thought it was a, even though I was cheating on my wife, uh, at the time when I was monogamous, I was monogamous, but not monogamous.

If you know what I mean, you 

were, you were, you were, uh, you were You just weren't ethical 

about it. Yes, there we go. I was, I always made fun. Like I was this shitty person. Um, But it really started to learn a lot about like, you know, um, boundaries and communications. And all of a sudden it was like, you're trusting your partner and experiencing these things with your partner, which I didn't really realize started really hitting on a lot of my abandonment trauma of, okay, this person's going to leave me like everybody else did.

So I might as well start finding my own validation. I need to start finding, you know, protecting myself for when this person wants to leave me, maybe I can leave first, whatever it is. Um, and I started to slowly self sabotage our relationship. Um, my self worth was based around the income I made as a general manager.

Uh, I had quit my job and we started, she had created, at the time, just created Unicorn Landing. And we were working that together and we started doing all of our social media together. And I literally, I never cheated on my wife physically, but like emotionally I looked for self validation. I had all my fans still who...

from, especially with like the addiction and stuff that would flirt with me and send me pictures and all that. And it built, that was part of my self worth and literally self sabotage my relationship. So my wife, instead of just kind of putting up with it, like most people did, um, and just kind of tolerating it in a sense.

She was like, fuck you. We're breaking up and we ended up breaking up. We broke up for five days But she literally just would hold held firm to her ground in it And I really kind of just talking to others and stuff I was like man I gotta find answers to this because this this always happens and this is fucked up because this time it's happened and I'm not using This always happens when I use, but I'm not using this time I'm sober.

And I started going back to AA, hitting AA really hard, just trying to find answers and trying to find answers. And she was really, I knew that she loved me and like, we didn't want to necessarily be broken up. Um, there's a lot of hurt on her side. There's a lot of hurt on my side, but my hurt on my side wasn't.

by her. Uh, but I did hurt her personally. I'm trying to, I'm trying to time it. If I have another jet coming by, they come by a little, though, if it gets really loud, I'm going to stop. But so, so she was willing though, to talk with me throughout all of this. So, you know, I would go back over to our place. I mean, I'm living, uh, two nights I spent with a former salesman of mine.

Um, I was staying in a hotel at that time. Cause like we lived together, I'd like, I put all my eggs in one basket and I just ruined it all. Um, ended up kind of going back to therapy, uh, went back to AA. Through AA, I realized how much I still really needed therapy, how I realized I didn't have any self worth because AA did help me in a lot of ways.

Uh, AA frustrates me a lot because It's so heavily religion based and it's so heavily you have to follow these steps type deal and Everybody was more concerned about me drinking. I'm like listen motherfuckers I haven't drank and at the time five years and I have no desire to drink So stop asking me if I have a desire to drink.

Here's what I need help with But the one thing that they really brought to mind is like, I need to go to therapy and I need to be honest. So I finally, I, I was hitting up everybody I, I could, I knew, like who, who's a good trauma therapist, who's a good whatever therapist. Um, and so I finally, I, I went to one and...

And she was the first one I went to and I remember just telling myself, I'll be honest. And I went in there and just fucking dumped on her for an hour. And she really brought to light, listened a lot. But with throwing these little tidbits that really brought it to light of how much trauma I had and how little self worth I had, little self value I had and I literally ruined this relationship because my wife loved me.

And now that you love me and you truly love me and you see me and you hear me. You're going to leave me is what my lie would tell me. So now, because of this, I have to ruin this because otherwise you're going to leave me and it's going to hurt even more. Um, and as soon as I realized that, you know, I started being more and more open with my wife and started, you know, communicating through all this.

You know, we ended up getting back together and took a kind of baby steps, went to a lot of therapy. Uh, but she was the one that really helped me face this. And do I still struggle with it at times? Yeah, I do. Like, I wish, I wish there was a quick fix. Um, I still find myself every now and then, you know, seeking a little bit of validation or getting a little bit.

I think by nature, we as human beings are a little selfish. Um, you know, I, I do have a very big ego and I do my best to try and keep that in check. So sometimes my ego is a little bruised. Um, you know, it's, it's like a lifelong process. And the cool thing with this lifestyle is it's brought a lot of it out.

And, you know, my wife was the first person to ever validate my emotions. I've always been able to validate other people's emotions because I was raised more by my mom. So I learned how to lift and I learned how to comprehend and, and, and, and take in what you say and digest it and almost use that to manipulate the situations.

But I never had anyone ever validate my feelings. And having a wife that validates your feelings does amazing things for you and you're like, oh, okay, I'm not crazy. And you know, it really has helped us grow a lot together. And you realize that this lifestyle is more about. You know, your solidity of a relationship of how your relationship is, how you get along with your partner, communicating boundaries, trust, you know, cause trust, like how do you even trust people?

No one's taught how to trust somebody in a relationship. No one's taught how you build trust in a relationship. No one's taught. I mean, I was taught by my parents who. They never fought in front of me. So I thought that people don't fight. Guess what? I didn't realize that when I went to bed or I wasn't around, that's when fights happened.

Because what happened? Kids are here. We push it all under the rug. And this lifestyle draws so much out into the open that you have to address it right away. And so I really saw a lot of the benefits from this lifestyle. And I mean, it's fun. It's like we live honestly, a very monogamous life in a lot of ways, but then we always laugh at every now and then we'll throw in some added spice and people don't realize, you know, the stigma around swinging.

That's what got me to doing social media more of like I do the professor pineapple. I like to kind of share more from the guy standpoint. Because the stigma around this lifestyle is cheating and like consenting cheating almost, where this lifestyle is way more about communications, boundaries, trust, and having a little bit of fun every now and then.

Um, you know, and it's different for everybody. Boundaries, 

man. Well, whoever, whoever taught us that nobody who taught us communication, nobody. And then if we look at just like you had said, your parents never fought it in front of you. If you look at your template of who taught you how to be in a relationship, 99 percent of the time, that was a toxic relationship that you're trying to now mimic your relationship after because that's all, you know, and you don't know what you don't know.

And I'm a huge proponent of couples therapy, you know, I don't, I have, I have couples who are in a great spot in their life and they just want to come in for a check in a checkup and that's great, you know, it's, you don't have to have an issue to go to therapy. Because, just because you don't have an issue, quote unquote, doesn't mean that there's not things that need to be worked on.

You don't need, you, maybe you need to communicate better. Maybe there's some trust issues that's underlying. Maybe there are some financial issues. It can be anything. Couples therapy is for everything. It's not just for, oh, well, we're having a hard time or we're having some issues or infidelity or whatever.

It's for, let's, let's, let's air some shit out. Let's learn how to do this the right way. And so we can avoid the problems in the future. 

Right. And I think that's one of the things like, and I'll, I'll openly admit, I mean, Candace, I have not done couples therapy. Um, but I do actually like think that it is something that's extremely important just to even like once a year or every six months or every quarter have a check up with a therapy.

Cause that's where people I don't think get it. Is you need almost a third party voice of reason that's not emotionally involved. It's not physically involved, not none of that involvement, just a listening ear on a nonjudgmental out, outsource to have a couple of be able to talk and just share about some of the even normal stuff going on because I love it when people always are like, well, just talk to your partner about it.

Okay. Well, how, what am I supposed to do? How do we do that? How? Yeah, exactly. Most people don't know how to communicate. I mean, I was a problem with it is whenever somebody tries to communicate their emotions, I instantly flip it as they are attacking me. They're coming at me. They are Unhappy with me. I need to fix it instead of just realizing that they're just kind of venting It has literally nothing maybe to do with me.

Maybe how they process something Um, and that's where so many I think breakdowns of communication happen. I mean my wife and I Do both go through that and we've learned that a little bit, which has been nice with each other is like when we do start communicating on a sensitive subject, it takes, it's a process.

It's about a week process to almost a two week process because we do both kind of start off taking it as we are attacking each other because that's what we're used to as we realize and talk through it and get time level headed. You know, it works through it. 

Maybe. Nope. Okay. So, um, that's, You hit the nail on the head, and so, the book that I wrote, one of the books that I've written, um, is, it's called the Anti Fight Journal, How to Fight Fear in Relationships.

Can you hear me? Okay. Um, the book that I wrote is called, uh, the Anti Fight Journal, How to Fight Fear in Relationships. And I, this is a technique that I use with all of my clients. And one of my clients one day was like, why don't you just write a book about this? And I was like, that's a fucking excellent idea.

So I finally did. And it teaches couples how to fight fair, but also have those talks where we're not fighting, um, where, just like you just said, you and your wife, you know, it takes two weeks to talk about a sensitive topic because you're trying to navigate the fighting fair and whatnot. I'm sending you one of my books because I want you to try this technique because it will revolutionize your relationship because it actually is a guide to fighting fair to having conversations and um, you know, 

And I, and I, I would, I would do as many book reviews on it as you wanted.

I would literally do nonstop because I think that is the biggest problem. That I have faced in every single one of my relationships is, and that's even like the challenge with Candace and myself, like I know her trauma. So when we do have a heated moment, I know, like I literally have a mental checklist I go through of, I don't raise my voice.

I'm not looking, going and pointing at her. I'm not, you know, people don't realize that the words that you use, and I've had to be always very careful of this because I am. very venomous with my words is the words we use will hurt somebody more than any kind of punch any kind of physical act almost that we could ever do so you have to be very careful and so that I think that's even what takes me so long to have these arguments or disagreements with her to work through them is because I'm literally I have to keep myself in check that I do not say something out of pure raw anger or raw emotion where I'm forgetting about my partner in this.

I'm forgetting about my partner's feelings in this. Uh, and I actually truly hurt my partner. Um, and I think it's one of the things that you start to realize when you do really kind of fall for somebody and you're like, I love this person enough that I don't want to hurt them, but I also love them so much that I know I need to talk to them and we're not taught how to really do that.

And so I love that fact. Like, yeah, definitely. I will sit and read that book probably nonstop because nobody knows how to fight. I didn't know how to fight. Like I didn't know how to, because I knew, I knew that it was healthy. It is healthy to get this stuff out and not keep it in. Cause if you keep in emotions, it builds resentment.

It builds jealousy. It builds insecurities. But how do you get it out healthy where you're not just coming and attacking your partner and blindsiding them with shit? 

Exactly. And that's, that's what the book. Teaches and and it's a journal because it's also a living document for you and your partner. And so it has after you learn how to do it, then you have a space to actually do it and keep it there.

So you guys can refer back to it. Um, maybe an ADHD, I forget shit so I could talk to my partner about something. And then the next day be like, oh, shit. What did we decide? And so the journal, you can go back and say, Oh, here's what we decided that we're going to do. And if you know, do we need to renegotiate it or whatever?

But anyway, it, this has just been an amazing conversation with you. So tell my listeners where they can find you and what you do now. If they want to work with you, like what, what can they, how can they find you? Let's just start there. Uh, 

you can go to ericbzink. com is my personal, um, website. And I mean, I do, I do some coaching.

I do more coaching around the addiction side of things and not necessarily are you paying for a sponsor, but it is, I have realized that having somebody who's just kind of been through it. To talk with every now and then just kind of check in, like, am I finding a sponsor the right way or how, how do I, it just helps to have some accountability.

That's not per se, a sponsor who all, if you're talking to your sponsor and you need help with something, they send you a video, uh, on one of the AA speeches that you're supposed to listen to. That's an hour and a half long. Um, you know how to, you know, Just having somebody who can help you can talk to afterwards and say, Hey, I raised my hand at AA and I actually shared, um, I actually asked for a sponsor.

I don't have a sponsor yet, but I finally asked for one. Okay, like, like, let's set up the next step of getting a sponsor. So I do some of that. Um, and then I do mostly just social media stuff. I do, I do actually a lot more with, um, advertising and work with rehabs. Um, I have a rehab in UK right now that I'm working with, uh, doing some of their social media.

Um, there's a show that just came out. Um, isms it's called and they paid me to do some advertising for their show. Uh, so I do a lot of that. Uh, you can also go to the impulsive duo. com, which that's what I do more of now is I work with my wife, we do podcasts. Uh, I'm in the middle of writing a book. Uh, on the swinging for newbies of just basic, you know, we get bombarded with so many questions and it's funny cause everyone thinks you're an expert if you're on social media and you're just like, well, not, not really.

Like these are our experiences and this is it. This is what I would do. Um. So hopefully I'm hoping to have that out by no later than October. Um, we also do a lot with, uh, uh, helping her with Unicorn Landing, which is her app on iOS and Google Play. She created an app for women only in the lifestyle to be empowered.

Um, and that's literally what we do. Um, that's what I do. Um, I do a lot of YouTube. So it's Eric B. Zink on YouTube. Um, on TikTok, I am the Mr. Impulsive. Uh, I have a bunch of different IDs now that don't match up. And I kind of did that on purpose. Um, because I didn't want it to be branded as one thing. Um, and that was my, my doing and my choice this time through.

So you can find me on Instagram. You can find me on Facebook, all that good stuff. But most of it's Eric B. Zink or the Mr. Impulsive. 

And that'll be linked in the show notes as well. So you guys, if you're listening and you want to reach out, all of his information will be linked in the show notes. And so you can have that opportunity.

If you are needing some assistance, if you are in active addiction, or if you're in recovery, or if you are just needing someone to talk to about your journey with addiction, I feel like Eric is probably one of the best. I have a few people that I would love to send your way that I work with, um, because.

You know, this shit's hard. I mean, I'm, I'm, I struggle with it. I don't struggle with it to the depths that some do, but I do struggle with addiction and, you know, alcohol is my drug of choice and it's, so I'm, I'm right there trying to navigate it and. You know, it, it just sucks sometimes. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Well, again, I'm going to let you go because I know you have a full day ahead of you, but thank you again. And everybody who's listening, definitely check out the show notes so you can figure out where to find him and how to work with him if you are interested. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to listen to my show.

I am Dr. Stephanie with evolve your intimacy and remember you are not in this alone and we are. Definitely here to help. You can learn more about all the amazing things that we do at evolveyourintimacy. com. And if you subscribe to our newsletter, you'll receive free resources monthly to help you evolve your intimacy.

Thank you again and have a great night.